BILL HICKS AT THE WAFFLE HOUSE
I know I’m not supposed to be here until tomorrow, but lunch today reminded me of something. I had to drop something off for work at a place about 40 minutes away from our office and stopped to get a bite to eat. Knowing I would be doing so, and that I’d be alone, I brought reading material with me – in this case, Sam Lipsyte’s Home Land (Yes, there’s an interview on the way!).
The stare the waitress gave towards my book, as well as the busboy asking “Why is there a cat on the book?” reminded me of a Bill Hicks routine. He’s hungry after a show and goes to a Waffle House and pulls out a book. He is asked by his waitress, “What you reading for?” This baffles him and after he guesses that mainly it’s so he doesn’t end up as a Waffle House waitress, he is accosted by a trucker from the next booth that stands and says, “Looks like we got us a reader here.”
The routine goes on, but it’s what I was reminded of during my own lunch today. I’m curious to hear of worst experiences of others out there when “caught” reading alone out in public.

Once, reading alone at a bar with a glass of wine, I was accosted by a hostile man saying "Oh, we got ourselves an intellectual here!" I think he was offended that I was more interested in my book than I was in him.
Posted by: laura | February 09, 2005 at 10:57 AM
After my first year of college, I had a job working graveyard shift at a convenience store. One night in the doldrums between one and five am, I sat behind the counter reading Robert Haas' anthology Essential Haiku. A woman apparently on her way home after last call stopped to buy cigarettes, and asked what I was reading. I held up the book and she spat, "Fuckin' book people" before storming off.
But I've had the last laugh by immortalizing her in an unpublished essay. Ha!
Posted by: steve | February 09, 2005 at 11:03 AM
Freedom to read while dining alone is one of the main things that makes New York rent worth it, I think. One of the bluest of the blue state habits, maybe, cause the other place where it's very easy to get away with is, of course, France. xo
Posted by: Elizabeth | February 09, 2005 at 11:07 AM
The NY subway system isn't as hosptitable as its restaurants. I was reading Sex & the Single Girl (it was a campy gift, I was out of reading material) and got so much attention from leering guys that I had to give up. At least my next New Yorker came quickly.
Posted by: Carolyn | February 09, 2005 at 01:08 PM
I stashed an issue of Penthouse in the woods. Do I need to continue?
Posted by: Jim Ruland | February 09, 2005 at 01:17 PM
I was reading a book in Washington Square Park (in New York City for those of you who have never heard of Dylan or Ginsberg) and a homeless man with a lot of scars and a look of permanent astonishment on his face walks up to me and says "I can see you are a literary type."
I looked up in this New York City way of trying to balance friendliness with indifference so as not to start a conversation.
"My uncle has a bookstore in Long Island," he says as if we are friends. "I can get you discounts on some good books." And he names a few but he's mumbling the titles. "I can get you some, but it's impossible to get them to cut a check at the clinic."
At this point, I checked out and found a coffee shop to finish my reading.
I am also on the other end of the equation, because I can't help myself but to try and see what other people are reading and sometimes I go to great lengths to do so; the fatter the book, the more I'm intrigued. Of course, when it's a woman I'm sure the first thing they are thinking when they see me is NOT "hmmm, I bet he's wondering what book I'm reading."
But in NYC, our high rent also comes with a license to be at least a little bit weird.
Posted by: Bud Parr | February 09, 2005 at 01:48 PM
I read and walk at the same time. There is nothing eccentric about this, but some people who know me are perplexed by this, wondering why I would risk colliding into a wall. What they fail to realize is that I am intimately familiar with the number of steps it takes for me to get off the bus and enter the doors, that my peripheral vision is sterling, and that because of this routine, I generally put away 2-3 extra pages a day -- or about 750 pages a year (about two medium-sized novels).
Likewise, there are a good ten minutes to read while dining alone. Once one has exhausted the decor and climate of all the restaurants in the immediate vicinity, it makes a good deal of sense to occupy the senses with something else.
Posted by: Ed | February 09, 2005 at 08:08 PM
Every Friday night I escape from family life and return to my roots as an intellectual poet bachelor. I go to a local pub that has a cubby table that no one sits at (because you can't see the big screen tv from it) and read poetry and write. I quaff golden libations and occasionally contribute to the alarming amputee chicken statistics.
A couple weeks ago I heard a table of frat boys tease one of their number about going home early by saying, "What? Are you going to read poetry like that dude who's always in the corner?"
I couldn't see, but I can only assume this was accompanied by a wanking hand gesture.
Posted by: George | February 10, 2005 at 06:28 PM