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« REASONS TO READ THE TIMES MAGAZINE # 1 | Main | NOTA BENE: THE GOOD SOLDIER »

January 15, 2008

THE WOMEN OF JAMES T. KIRK

Today we take a slight (though not total) detour from literary matters, and I dust off my keyboard's "I" key to relate a personal tale from my past.  (There is a book-related pay-off of sorts at the end, though, so stick around.)

Although I've gone to great lengths to cover up the traces of my geeky past, I own up - with a hint of pride (but just a hint) - to having been a Trekkie in my boyhood.  The hardcore Star Trek phase lasted until I turned 14 and discovered The Beatles, launching a new and somewhat less geeky obsession.

But from 11 to 14, I was the kid who got beat up for carrying phasers around school.  Yes, I went to Star Trek conventions.  It's all very embarrassing to me now.  (I should point out that I was only ever - and remain to this day - an original series devotee.  No Next Gen or DS9 for me.)

Should you doubt it was as bad as I say, that's me on the right at the age of about 12, in Manhattan with my friend Andy for our first Star Trek convention.  Yes, I am wearing a United Federation of Planets t-shirt.

Tharbegeekshere

So, I'm a rabid Trek fan, and William Shatner comes to town on his now infamous university lecture tour, the one in which he "sang" Rocket Man.  I've arrived early and snagged a good seat with my friends, and we are grokking the proceedings.  Then come the questions and answers.  Someone in the audience asks "Who designed the Enterprise?" to which Shatner answers, incorrectly, "Gene Roddenberry."

Well, this won't do.  I cup my hands around my mouth and I shout out "Matt Jeffries! Matt Jeffries!"  Shatner squints down toward the disruption, points at me, and says, "You.  Come up here."  What follows:

ME: (looking around, asking my friends) Who is he talking to you?

TREK FRIEND: (aghast)  You!  He's talking to you!

ME: (this does not compute)  Me?  (mouthing to Shatner, pointing at myself) Me?

SHATNER:  You.

(I gulp and walk up onto the stage, heart in my mouth.  Shatner puts a friendly arm around me.)

SHATNER:  What's your name, son?

ME:  Mark.

SHATNER:  Well, Mark, this might surprise you but you probably know more about Star Trek than I do.

ME: (heresy!)  No way!  Nuh-uh!

SHATNER:  You know, I was on that show ten years ago and have worked a lot since then and I don't really remember all the details. 

ME: (impressed)  Whoa.

(A brief, awkward silence follows.  Then:)

SHATNER:  So.  Do you have any really profound questions you want to ask me?

ME: (thinks a bit; then)  No.

SHATNER:  (you funster you) Do you know what "profound" means?

ME: (of course I did, but I was whore for a laugh even then)  No.

SHATNER:  Well, is there anything at all you want to ask me?

KirkME: (thinking; only one shot here with the Captain.  Then it strikes):  Of all the women you ever kissed on Star Trek, which one did you like the best?

(The room, as you can imagine, erupts.  Thumbs up from my friends in the cheap seats.)

SHATNER:  (after it dies down; a slight leer)  I liked them all, Mark.  I liked them all.

Of course you did, Jimbo.  So, why regale you with this tale?  Because when I became aware of Captain Kirk's Guide to Women - given a 6 out of 10 from the gang at TrekWeb (and no, I don't read it, it was a Google alert) - well, I just had to have it, as memories of that day at St. John's University came back in a rush.

As for me, that was all a long time ago and I'm all better now.  The number 1,771,561 is with me for life but I am otherwise OK.

Proper literary business resumes tomorrow.

Posted by TEV at 12:01 AM in Personal |

Comments

Oh man. Not only did I once own the Starfleet Technical Manual, but I also once owned the Starfleet MEDICAL REFERENCE Manual. Never could get my hands permanently on one of those Concordances, with the spinning Enterprise wheel on the front, although I did often check it out from the library. A few years ago, I watched all of the old Star Trek episodes for the first time in perhaps fifteen years and was stunned that I had prioritized the technology over the women.

Posted by: ed | January 15, 2008 at 02:17 AM

Ah, Mark. One of us!

I'm glad that you are not too embarrassed about your geeky first loves that you don't mention them. (the beatles & star trek are quite classy ones) (also it would have been fun to have hung out with you at the conventions back then at age 12. I was always the solo girl.) (and i don't mean Han Solo.)

Here's a flickr stream your inner 12 yr old needs. The galactically hot women of Star Trek.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/poletti/sets/72157602965392887/

Posted by: cecil | January 15, 2008 at 06:29 AM

Okay, I'm a woman and I wasn't geeked up enough to go to conventions but I too have a long-standing love for the original "Star Trek" (and less than no interest in those spin-offs that came after). Shatner and Nimoy will always have a warm spot in my heart. My personal fave of his women is Nichelle Nichols. As Spock once sang (in that episode, which also featured the first interracial kiss on TV as I'm sure you know) "Ah, ahaaa, bitter dregs." Thanks for sharing.

Posted by: Martha Southgate | January 15, 2008 at 07:59 AM

Even I had a crush on the women. They were so cool.

Our group of friends at school bought the Starfleet manual (this was late 70's). I remember it being such a gorgeous book.

Posted by: Elizabeth McCullough | January 15, 2008 at 08:02 AM

aw, the star wars picture is adorable. love your blog, you are linked on mine. xo

Posted by: Snobber | January 15, 2008 at 11:15 AM

For all the grief that loving Star Trek brings me, I will always be grateful that there was something on tv that showed a lot of people from a lot of different places who were friends. All those ethnicities getting along - it was awesome.

Shatner comes across as both cool and funny in your story - nice to know that he got enjoyed the joke about "Kirk's women" as much as the rest of us.

Posted by: Colleen | January 15, 2008 at 02:27 PM

All I can say is that this Federation of Planets had one sweet logo. Not unlike the very sweet cover of "Europe Central".

Posted by: jd | January 15, 2008 at 03:02 PM

Awww, what a memorable brush with greatness! I like watching Shatner on "Boston Legal" nowadays. Sure, he's become a caricature, but in a good way.

Posted by: Esther | January 16, 2008 at 09:20 PM

Wow, I really can't believe that I instantly knew that number at the end was a tribbles reference. I guess some things just don't leave you. . .

Posted by: John Fox | January 17, 2008 at 12:22 AM

You inspired my own, personal childhood geekery confession, over at my site. Great post.

Janice Rand: the most valuable Red Shirt to ever get the ax.

Posted by: Matthew Tiffany | January 17, 2008 at 12:10 PM

YO... I'm actually more of a TNG fan, but you gotta give it to Captain Kirk.

If you go to the website, there's a "Spock's Guide To Women" as a free download- it's short, but pretty funny.

You can go to http://www.CaptainKirksGuideToWomen.com or http://www.SpockGuideToWomen.com

Some of the puns may actually make your stomach turn, like "Love is a contact spore"

Posted by: Rick Kiley | January 17, 2008 at 12:13 PM

Your posts are full of superfluous spaces. Only a single space is needed after a sentence when typing on a computer. The old double space rule applied only to typewriters!

Posted by: Editor | January 19, 2008 at 05:37 PM

My dear editor, if spaces were the only superfluous things in my posts, I could die a happy man ...

Old. Habits. Die. Hard.

Posted by: TEV | January 19, 2008 at 05:47 PM

Mark, WrittenWyrd is publicizing you today, so I thought I'd jump over and have a look. Yes, from Star Trek to the Beatles. I can identify. Your Shat story is priceless. He's pretty good on BOston Legal. Many years later, my son got me into Next Gen, and they were pretty good after the first season. But the Beatles ... that's forever. You have a terrific blog, ST aside.

Posted by: Billy | January 28, 2008 at 07:51 AM

Ha ha. William Shatner--Now there's a Reality Series waiting to be made.
If only I could be a cell in his brain...
Remember how at the end of every T.J. Hooker episode they'd all laugh and the scene would freeze? Ok... now you know why I've been relegated to Mars...
Great Site btw!
the lab

Posted by: Lesley-Ann Brown | February 02, 2008 at 11:35 PM

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