... if they asked me ... which they won't. Well, maybe not the "top" ten things but certainly the first ten things:
1) Start reviews on the front page. You guys don't have a column inch to waste.
2) Dump Eugen Weber's ass. Several other asses will follow. But Susan Reynolds gets a corner office and another half-page every week.
3) Bring an immediate end to all theme issues.
4) Create a new "Local Spotlight" full page round up of titles in brief, along the lines of the New Yorker short reviews.
5) Hire my favorite litblogger or five to write reviews and liven things up.
6) Stop trying to be the New York Review, and bring an end to long-winded self-important reviews of obscure academic and/or pedantic political titles which will sell fewer than 5000 500 copies anyway. Pithy and rude shall be the order of the day. (Corollary 6a - Immediately spike any review in which the reviewer writes more about him or herself than about the book under review.)
7) Shine a light on L.A.'s independent bookstore scene.
8) Make the fucking review entirely available online.
9) Two words: James Wood.
10) Post a Monday thumbnail in which I point out all the things I screwed up and what a tough job it really is and how I should have been more understanding about poor Steve.
Whatever you do, don't assign any reviews to the Underground Literary Alliance. They are a bunch of fancy pants "outsiders" who think they are so smart because they went to community college.
The ULA has been attacking the greatest work of underground writing by a living writer, "The Heat of My Pockets" by Orlando Hotpockets, a retarded alcoholic who wrote the book in his own blood on a roll of toilet paper. Unlike the ULA, who go to fancy parties, Orlando Hotpockets was raised by lice-infested timber wolves in upstate Michigan. He is bad, like Shaft.
Posted by: Sebastian Morningwood | May 05, 2005 at 11:10 AM
I couldn't agree with you more about James Wood. I was fortunate enough to take a class with him during my last semester of college and his outlook on literature made me love reading again! I had been bombarded with art historical jargon and the cultural implications of text and textuality, and I remember that he simply had us read Naipaul's _A House for Mr. Biswas_ for both tragedy and comedy. And it made everything that much more relevant! I really believe he himself loves writing and it interested in how writers render their world -- and it's absolutely refreshing.
Posted by: Melissa Lo | May 05, 2005 at 11:38 AM
11) Take credit for Homeland's success.
Posted by: zlips | May 05, 2005 at 01:24 PM
So when do you start?
Posted by: Perry Middlemiss | May 05, 2005 at 09:23 PM
Wonderful suggestions all! Especially dumping Weber. Your weekly reviews of the LAT Book Review have usually been better than the review itself.
Posted by: Diane | May 05, 2005 at 09:31 PM
Seeing that you're opposed to anything with the slightest resemblance to serious thought
("long-winded self-important reviews of obscure academic and/or pedantic
political titles which will sell fewer than 5000 500 copies anyway") and revel in the joys of the neo-fascist Mosh Pit ("Pithy and rude shall be the order of
the day") only one question remains -- Why do you care about the
Los Angeles Times Book review at all?
Posted by: David Ehrenstein | May 06, 2005 at 08:28 PM
A fine, thoughtful list. Your No. 2 would be my No. 1 by a country mile. Susan Reynolds' perspectives and writing rank right alongside the best of those practicing elsewhere in the country, and I speak of such standouts as Dirda and Yardley of the Washington Post.
Posted by: Dave Belnap | May 06, 2005 at 11:22 PM