The Elegant Variation: A BRIEF RANT

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August 26, 2008

A BRIEF RANT

Pet peeves are, by their nature, disproportionate responses to often trivial offenses. Fine. Fair enough. But when did it become acceptable for airline after airline to make "last and final" boarding announcement? Help us fight this insidious circumlocution by clipping and sending the email below to your airline of choice:

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Dear [Offending Airline}:

Recently, while waiting to board your flight number [FLIGHT NUMBER] at [YOUR AIRPORT], I was startled to hear your gate attendant use the phrase "last and final boarding call" on several occasions.

I assume you realize that your attendant is calling for a "last and last" boarding call.

Since you demonstrate no real understanding of redundancy, and redundancy is a key safety factor in modern aviation, I feel obligated to take my business to [NAME OF THEIR COMPETITOR] for my own well-being.

I urge you to fix and rectify this situation at your earliest convenience.

Sincerely,

[YOUR NAME]

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We'll save the rant about people unable to rise from an airplane seat without leaning on the seat in front of them - invariably our seat - for another time. Yes, we're safely in Melbourne.

Posted at 02:38 AM in Housekeeping | Permalink

Comments

It's called "xanax" darling. Don't leave home without it.
Glad you made it! Can't wait to hear all.

Posted by: kb | August 26, 2008 at 06:28 AM

That's funny, the majestic plural is a pet peeve of mine. Guess it's all relative.

Posted by: Davin | August 26, 2008 at 09:56 AM

Just regarding your peeve for another day: mine is when the person in front of me reclines their seat back as far as it will possibly go, making it near impossible to get out without gutting myself. Are you sure you weren't sitting in that person's lap?!

Posted by: tonya | August 26, 2008 at 02:28 PM

Or people standing up and gathering their had luggage before the plane has fully stopped, and despite the pleas of the cabin crew. Then they stand awkwardlly in the aisles, pressed together like doomed cattle, waiting for the doors to open. Fer Christ's sake, people, the plane aint about to take off again before you get off.

Welcome to Melbourne, Mark

Posted by: Ocky | August 26, 2008 at 07:33 PM

I believe they mean to be annoyingly redundant in order to avoid any confusion from passengers claiming not to have been aware that it was the LAST boarding call.

Posted by: R. Tilern Smurtz | August 26, 2008 at 10:36 PM

Hah! I laughed reading this post. I thought my husband and I were the only ones who got annoyed by people pulling themselves up with the back of our chairs.
I don't have a problem with people who put their seats back though. It is well within their rights and unavoidable if one wants to sleep. Pulling on the back of the seat is, however, an avoidable discomfort.

Posted by: JEN | August 27, 2008 at 01:52 AM

The other outstanding use of language is when the flight attendant "welcomes you to (location) or wherever your final destination may take you."

Um, my final destination isn't taking me anywhere.

This is something to be contemplated while your flight is "pre-boarding."

Posted by: Don | August 27, 2008 at 07:41 AM

The other outstanding use of language is when the flight attendant "welcomes you to (location) or wherever your final destination may take you."

Um, my final destination isn't taking me anywhere.

This is something to be contemplated while your flight is "pre-boarding."

Posted by: Don | August 27, 2008 at 07:41 AM

No one puts it better than George Carlin.

My fav:

"Please get on the plane"

Carlin: "Eff you, am getting IN the plane. It's a lot less windy in there"

Posted by: Shyam Kumar | August 28, 2008 at 12:35 AM

Ha!

You should take a look at Jonathan Miles's Dear American Airlines. It's brilliant like your letter.

Posted by: w | August 28, 2008 at 03:09 PM

Also too, there's not enough fresh air.

Posted by: C- | August 29, 2008 at 10:54 PM

It makes perfect sense. "This is your last (and the final announcement of the last)boarding call." Or: "This is your last--and by the way, we aren't telling you again--boarding call. So that's final."

Posted by: Mary McPhee | August 30, 2008 at 03:44 PM

Um... been to Bangalore International Airport? Here's the start of the "announcement" I'm hearing now: "Good morning; may I have your attention please... All passengers.."

Talk of redundancy!

Posted by: Chinmay | August 31, 2008 at 08:48 PM

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The Elegant Variation

A Literary Weblog.
A Guardian Top 10 Literary Blog * A Forbes "Best of the Web" Pick * A Los Angeles Magazine Top Los Angeles Blog
"Really brave ... or really stupid" - NPR

August 26, 2008

A BRIEF RANT

Comments

MY NOVEL

WORTHY READINGS

TEV DEFINED

RECOMMENDED

THIS GUN FOR HIRE:
Reviews & Criticism

SECOND LOOK

Categories

The Elegant Variation

A Literary Weblog. A Guardian Top 10 Literary Blog * A Forbes "Best of the Web" Pick * A Los Angeles Magazine Top Los Angeles Blog "Really brave ... or really stupid" - NPR

August 26, 2008

A BRIEF RANT

Comments

MY NOVEL

WORTHY READINGS

TEV DEFINED

RECOMMENDED

THIS GUN FOR HIRE: Reviews & Criticism

SECOND LOOK

Categories

A Literary Weblog.
A Guardian Top 10 Literary Blog * A Forbes "Best of the Web" Pick * A Los Angeles Magazine Top Los Angeles Blog
"Really brave ... or really stupid" - NPR

THIS GUN FOR HIRE:
Reviews & Criticism